We all know that people are stupid. Just the other day, for example, I saw a video where a gun safety teacher shot himself in the foot in front of his whole class. Now most of the time the children of these idiots can go on to lead successful lives, though it usually involves moving out of the south. There are some children, however, who are destined from day one to suffocate under the rotting carcass of their parent’s tutelage. These are the unfortunate souls whose parents have named them things like Aquamarina, Chandy, Spring Moon, or Keagan.

What the hell?

Seriously people, lives are being ruined here. Aquamarina will grow up to be a stripper, Chandy will change her name to Cathy right before moving away to college and severing all ties with you, Spring Moon will think her name is cool until that first job interview and by then it will be too late, and Keagan, poor Keagan will get his ass kicked everyday by kids named Tommy and Billy. Is that what you want?

So please, before you decide to spice up your child's life with a name that no one has ever heard of, or written down, or been able to pronounce correctly more than 50% of the time, remember that this is FOREVER. It's a lot like that tattoo you got right after high school graduation. You know, the one with tribal significance? Someday little Gunner is going to ask you what it means and you'll have to explain to him that Daddy doesn't always think things through. Good luck with that.